I remember my first sexual experience at the age of 18 and this was around the time that my vitiligo first started I was so scared and nervous because my vitiligo was down near my privacy area and I never told my girlfriend about it being down there because I was afraid I was going to lose her if she knew that I had vitiligo down there so I ended the relationship before we ever had sex because I was so scared and nervous of her reaction because of my vitiligo and I just wanted to know if anybody else had a similar experience like this when they were younger.I'm not ashamed of sharing that experience with you because I have learned to accept my vitiligo plus I'm older now besides I can't keep my wife off of me I have to run away from her sometimes because I make good love........lol
You need to be a member of Vitiligo Friends to add comments!
Hello Terrence I appreciate your response to my forum and you are so right about the Vitiligo being exotic I have been told by women that my vitiligo makes them feel like they have the best of both worlds being with a black man and being with a white man at the same time.........lol
very nice Carl ...........thanks for sharing ur experience with us .......and as a 16 year old teenager , i was thinking of the day of my first sexual experience too......so thanks for giving me motivation and the spirit to live..thankss
Your welcome Shavaiz we are all on this website together because we all have Vitiligo in common with each other and I'm here to give you my support because were like one big family here and we have to look out for each other
shavaiz malik > Carl R. ManleyMay 29, 2010 at 7:42pm
thanks for looking out for me bro......... for a very long time , i have doing that job myself.........it feels really gud that there is always sumone looking out for u and cares for u .......thnks man
It's easy to bring this up when you've already found someone/gotten married.
Developing vit on my privates at 14 contributed greatly to the ruining of my life. It wouldn't be so bad if it would just stay at the same level. Right now existing patches are growing and places I've achieved repigmentation are reverting back. I basically can't stand to look at myself at all down there.
Some people aren't born with personalities to overcome physical deformaties which you all seem to have done.
My only strategy is to get the person drunk enough so she doesn't notice. In reality that's only worked once and seems kind of terrible.
I find it hard to believe i'll ever be comfortable in a long term serious relationship.
I've had Vit since I was 3 yrs old and Im "much" darker then you are so you can imagine the contrast in my skin and how ppl reacted when they saw me. I've had it ALL MY LIFE and I couldn't hide it or cover it up.
Ali Marie made a very good point about it not being easy for anyone. Its very hard coping with the changes! I remember not wanting to show my legs or even going to the swimming pool as a child. I was too embarrassed. When I got old enough to start school my vit was all over my body so imagine that. Even though Im older, Im still having issues with coping. Im so glad Im not alone and have found others who know how I feel. My own family don't understand what I go through and the hurt I deal with inside. And when I get into relationships and try to open up about how my vitiligo has effected me...... they don't even understand! I still feel along and at times I feel insecure and like the entier world is just staring at me in a negitive way.
Having vitiligo and going through whatever situation in life will either "Empower You" or "Paralyze You". Try to focuse on whats good and whats positive about you and your life and try not to let your vitiligo steal you joy!
Ciney:
The last paragraph and especially, the ending sentence "Try to focuse on whats good and whats positive about you and your life" is so beautiful, comforting and inspirational. TRUST ME. It took me from the bottom of the ocean miles down and simply lifted my spirits. (Just came back home after a business trip only to discover new spots on my daughter).
All other Forum Members:
As a special request, if possible, please end your comments/responses with a strong message or suggestion. Most of us do that anyway. Just requesting again......because, IT DOES HELP ! These kind of messages have a majic POWER and helps a lot to people who are in pain in many a way.
I'm sorry to hear, Domenic, and I do sympathize.
I assure you, it probably wasn't easy for Carl, it wasn't easy for me, and it's not likely easy for anyone else here.
I know guys operate a little bit differently than girls (okay, a lot), so maybe my advice is more applicable for girls. Women tend to invest more emotionally into a relationship before getting physical, which makes the subject of any physical abnormalities more comfortable when you're with a new partner. I found that the more time I spent actually getting to know someone special (including eventually divulging my condition), the less shocked the person was (and if they were shocked or creeped out, they certainly hid it well) when it came to being intimate. And believe me, this was not driven by my will to overcome an abnormality. This was purely my basic human need for companionship. The overcoming part came much later as I worked my way through a few relationships and built up my confidence from there.
It was bad enough that I had always been something of an ugly duckling. I was never pretty, never popular, and socially awkward. My vitiligo didn't really start to spread until I was about 12, just in time for puberty and what is otherwise an awkward phase for most teens. I literally resigned myself to the fact that I would die alone, having never even kissed a boy.
Like you, I engaged in some very reckless and downright destructive behavior when I first decided to try my hand at dating. I think people close to me chalked it up to me being young and rebellious. Truth be told, I was lonely and wanted to feel wanted, so I did what I had to to try and fill that void. No rebellion. Just loneliness. Without exaggeration, it's a miracle I didn't wind up face-down in a drainage ditch, at the rate I was going.
It took many years of trial and error before I could bring myself to just be at ease around the opposite sex. I still to this day have moments of insecurity around even my husband and closest friends over something as simple as spots on my face or hands (like it's some kind of big secret!). I don't think it's something you ever completely "get over", rather it's something that gets a little easier with time. I will forever be a work in progress.
I would strongly encourage you to seek out counseling of some kind. I have been in your shoes before and it was pure hell.
So this feels weird to talk about. I've had Vit since I was five it started to spread to my private area When I was a teenager. Like most I have to shave down there or i will look like a polar bear. Anyway I waited my first time until I found someone who I could completely trust. She was actually my best friend at the time. But she didn't no that I had it down there until we had sex, she seamed to be completely accepting of it because of what happened next. Anyway it turned out that she was more insecure with her body than I was with mine.
This seams to happen with every girl I've been with one didn't want to take off her shirt because she thought her boobs were small, another wouldn't have sex with the lights on and she would only take her pants off. Until they met me, I just get completely naked flip the lights on and tell her to get naked this makes you look comfortable with yourself even if your not completely.
Replies
Hello Terrence I appreciate your response to my forum and you are so right about the Vitiligo being exotic I have been told by women that my vitiligo makes them feel like they have the best of both worlds being with a black man and being with a white man at the same time.........lol
Your welcome Shavaiz we are all on this website together because we all have Vitiligo in common with each other and I'm here to give you my support because were like one big family here and we have to look out for each other
You're more than welcomed take care of yourself and God bless you
Developing vit on my privates at 14 contributed greatly to the ruining of my life. It wouldn't be so bad if it would just stay at the same level. Right now existing patches are growing and places I've achieved repigmentation are reverting back. I basically can't stand to look at myself at all down there.
Some people aren't born with personalities to overcome physical deformaties which you all seem to have done.
My only strategy is to get the person drunk enough so she doesn't notice. In reality that's only worked once and seems kind of terrible.
I find it hard to believe i'll ever be comfortable in a long term serious relationship.
I've had Vit since I was 3 yrs old and Im "much" darker then you are so you can imagine the contrast in my skin and how ppl reacted when they saw me. I've had it ALL MY LIFE and I couldn't hide it or cover it up.
Ali Marie made a very good point about it not being easy for anyone. Its very hard coping with the changes! I remember not wanting to show my legs or even going to the swimming pool as a child. I was too embarrassed. When I got old enough to start school my vit was all over my body so imagine that. Even though Im older, Im still having issues with coping. Im so glad Im not alone and have found others who know how I feel. My own family don't understand what I go through and the hurt I deal with inside. And when I get into relationships and try to open up about how my vitiligo has effected me...... they don't even understand! I still feel along and at times I feel insecure and like the entier world is just staring at me in a negitive way.
Having vitiligo and going through whatever situation in life will either "Empower You" or "Paralyze You". Try to focuse on whats good and whats positive about you and your life and try not to let your vitiligo steal you joy!
Ciney
The last paragraph and especially, the ending sentence "Try to focuse on whats good and whats positive about you and your life" is so beautiful, comforting and inspirational. TRUST ME. It took me from the bottom of the ocean miles down and simply lifted my spirits. (Just came back home after a business trip only to discover new spots on my daughter).
All other Forum Members:
As a special request, if possible, please end your comments/responses with a strong message or suggestion. Most of us do that anyway. Just requesting again......because, IT DOES HELP ! These kind of messages have a majic POWER and helps a lot to people who are in pain in many a way.
I assure you, it probably wasn't easy for Carl, it wasn't easy for me, and it's not likely easy for anyone else here.
I know guys operate a little bit differently than girls (okay, a lot), so maybe my advice is more applicable for girls. Women tend to invest more emotionally into a relationship before getting physical, which makes the subject of any physical abnormalities more comfortable when you're with a new partner. I found that the more time I spent actually getting to know someone special (including eventually divulging my condition), the less shocked the person was (and if they were shocked or creeped out, they certainly hid it well) when it came to being intimate. And believe me, this was not driven by my will to overcome an abnormality. This was purely my basic human need for companionship. The overcoming part came much later as I worked my way through a few relationships and built up my confidence from there.
It was bad enough that I had always been something of an ugly duckling. I was never pretty, never popular, and socially awkward. My vitiligo didn't really start to spread until I was about 12, just in time for puberty and what is otherwise an awkward phase for most teens. I literally resigned myself to the fact that I would die alone, having never even kissed a boy.
Like you, I engaged in some very reckless and downright destructive behavior when I first decided to try my hand at dating. I think people close to me chalked it up to me being young and rebellious. Truth be told, I was lonely and wanted to feel wanted, so I did what I had to to try and fill that void. No rebellion. Just loneliness. Without exaggeration, it's a miracle I didn't wind up face-down in a drainage ditch, at the rate I was going.
It took many years of trial and error before I could bring myself to just be at ease around the opposite sex. I still to this day have moments of insecurity around even my husband and closest friends over something as simple as spots on my face or hands (like it's some kind of big secret!). I don't think it's something you ever completely "get over", rather it's something that gets a little easier with time. I will forever be a work in progress.
I would strongly encourage you to seek out counseling of some kind. I have been in your shoes before and it was pure hell.
This seams to happen with every girl I've been with one didn't want to take off her shirt because she thought her boobs were small, another wouldn't have sex with the lights on and she would only take her pants off. Until they met me, I just get completely naked flip the lights on and tell her to get naked this makes you look comfortable with yourself even if your not completely.
-
1
-
2
-
3
-
4
of 4 Next