I just broke up with my ex-boyfriend for unclear reasons, he was my first boyfriend and the relationship only lasted about a month, I am 24 years old and I still have to see him twice a week because we go to the same class and I STILL LOVE HIM BECAUSE I WAS HIS FIRST GIRLFRIEND TOO, and we had something special there, yet I can't stop thinking that maybe my vitiligo had something to do with it.
I am sick of having vitiligo and I feel in all my right to say so without having to be politically correct by thinking that "it's going to be ok anyways" Society loves to blame the individual for 100% of his circumstances , never taking in account they are the ones rejecting, looking disgustingly at us and just plain ignoring our being. Even if I loved myself the most I can, there's aspect of outward rejection that's going to be there no matter what.
I would like to know who are these people with vitiligo that marry, are they just the minority ? a few scattered and between? what real love is this that would saty by your side even if the vitiligo eats you up making you look worse than before? I would love to f****** know when is this nightmare going to end?
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If you get a chance go buy and read the book "Think and Grow Rich" by Nepoleon Hill. It will help mentally. When you get done you will realize that looks really don't matter, unless you choose to allow it to.
i like the way you think,
i am in exactly the same situation. my gf ended the relation with unclear reasons. unfortunately, i dont think this nightmare will end soon because no one will love us because the way we look
Mersi, I feel your pain. I have had my share of being rejected due to my vit as well. But I have also experienced the other side of it. My grandmother had vit covering most of her body. She had a full life, a strong marriage and three daughters and five grand daughters who all thought the world of her. She was loved and admired by all who knew her. She may have hidden from the sun, but she sure didn't hide from life or love. :-) We all knew the vit was there, but it was not what we saw when we were in her company. By being blessed to have such a wonderful role model, it really did not phase me when my vit appeared. I know first hand that love is rooted far deeper than one's skin tone. I have a good 20 years on you in age...and I can honestly say that as I have grown within myself, the quality of my relationships has improved as well. My vit may be a turnoff to the insecure, shallow minded ninnies .... but who needs them around anyway! I have a wonderful circle of friends (and love interest) who think I'm the greatest, most beautiful lamp-shade wearing lover of life they have ever met. Stay strong, my friend!
i've been dating my boyfriend for 6 months now and he says my white spots are beautiful. i have them on my legs,back,face,hands,feet, armpits,neck,chest. i've had it since i was three but most days i agree with you. i feel ugly and i don't want to wear my hair in a ponytail or wear a shirt with low cut shirt. and right now i'm freaking out because i'm trying to find a place where i can get an airbrush tan for prom. i have confidence some days but most of the time i just really wish i was all one color.
Mersi,
I feel for you. We are all tired of Vitiligo. However, there are shallow people everywhere. If he was so shallow about this, you really don't want a long-term relationship with him.
Even if he was able to "get over" your vitiligo -- what's next? If he disapproves your taste in music or fashion or food or TV shows... will he leave you then? You will find someone who would love you for who YOU ARE not the the "perfect" skin he was hoping for. Sorry to say this about the man you love, but he is a jerk! You are better off without him.
I think we all have experienced these issues in relationships some way or another. For me having vitiligo is difficult and i still struggle to accept it, I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and at first he said it did not matter. However he became more concerned when i tried to let him know that there is currently no real cure, i want to make it clear to him that he NEEDS to accept me for who I am and the reality that I may have this on my skin forever (I guess I am in the process of accepting it, but if he does too then it will be easier...i dont know if that will ever happen) Our relationship is strong, yet any conversation about vitiligo can often end in an argument....those without this condition will never understand how it impacts us. His latest worry is that if we have kids soon that they will inherit vitiligo (I am Caucasian, while he is Indian with dark tanned skin).I hate this pressure, and how unpredictable vitiligo is....it is scary to think how my relationship could be impacted in the future if my vit spreads or children inherit it. Just have wait and see I guess!
take care :)
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 18 months now and he knows that I have vitiligo and he told me many times that he doesn't mind that I have it because it doesn't change who I am. Of course that made me really happy and it's reassuring but I don't have a lot of spots right now. I've had vitiligo for 5 years and I'm using the UVB machine so that makes my spots look "uglier" since there are brown spots inside and around the white spots. but even with that he doesn't seem surprised or anything...i'm just hoping that it stays that way :(..i'm pretty insecure about my vitiligo so I don't want it to ruin our relationship. So I guess in the end we shouldn't let our vitligo affect our lives and our relationships. There are plenty of guys out there who will accept you for YOU, just because there are discolorations on our skins doesn't mean our appearance is totally changed. we still have our facial features and most importantly our personality! don't let vitiligo ruin your confidence cause that's the sexiest part of a woman ;)
Indian...and trust me they are definitely superficial at times. I am recently engaged. One thing you have to realize is that you are the one that has to accept it. I could never keep a relationship because of my insecurities. I found an awesome guy who is actually gorgeous(and Indian lol) that does not care at all. They fall in love with the person not their looks. Sometimes I flip the situation in my head. If I was the normal one and my partner started to develop vitiligo or get burned etc... I would still love him with all my heart! U have to give the other person the benefit of doubt. If they truly love u it won't matter... Everyone has something lacking in life... For us it is our skin . For others it is money, health, etc. I'm a neurologist and I have this one patient who is seriously sooooooo gorgeous. But she has multiple sclerosis on a wheelchair. Her husband Is by her side every visit...there are good people in the world! I promise u that :)
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