Hi all you good people,
I recently read a very interesting book called 'Psychodermatology' which dealt with the psychological aspects / impact of having to live with skin conditions such as Vitiligo.
I was interested in the idea that when we lose something that is both close and personal to us (and I guess our skin colour falls in to this category), there is a process of grieving that we have to go through; characterised by distinct stages, disbelief, anger, bargaining, acceptance etc.
The author of one chapter suggested that the difficulty with Vitilgo is that the process of mourning can never be fully 'satisfied' because there is a high element of uncertainty attached to the progression of the disease.
I can identify with this i.e. it started on my hands, then my arms, hands and face (and more recently around my eyes). Each outbreak has raised similar emotions to those outlined above; particularly if there has been a long period of remission.
I admire those who have 'closure' on their emotions but it doesn't work for me. Every fresh outbreak has to be dealt with again, with all of the various emotional mechanisms for coping.
I experience this as tiring, frustrating, depressing and, with a 'hint' of resignation.
Please don't get me wrong; in general terms I am a very optimistic person but I'm intrigued by how much energy I (we) all have to spend mourning this condition - especially when so much literature suggests we should avoid too much stress!
I'm so pleased to have found this group; I wont lean too heavily on you all :-)
Mike
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Thanks for putting down my exact problem with this disease. I to am an optimist but sometimes it gets to me. I'm going to a pool party in two weeks and I am in search of a tanning salon that might be of help. What a pain. ANyway, stay cool. I'm fine...really.
_Vivian
If I was going by your five stages, I would be stuck at anger. I'm never going to accept it, and will fight vitiligo tooth and nail until I find a cure.
I have to confess they're not my stages, but ideas taken from material I've used in the past related to change. It just struck me that it was a different way of looking at loss and whereas; say, some events in life have 'closure' (awful word), the unpredictabe nature of Vitiligo (for some, not everyone) can lead to a state of constant mourning.
I am ever hopeful that there will be a cure and have submitted to an international study which is endeavouring to find a genetic component to this disorder.
I am still intrigued as to how this disorder can lay dormant (in my case 30 years) and then erupt.
This does make a lot of sense in terms of how we deal with our Vit, but as with everything it's the way you perceive it. This could be hard, but instead of thinking of vit as a loss think of it as a gain? You're gaining new spots, a new unique mark to identify you as different from the rest of the world. Everything is about perception, I think this is a starting point to accepting your spots, is to love every new one instead of mourning it's loss. Now on how to switch our mindframes, it's each to their own.
I know what you mean. Some times I do feel like I'm not strong enough for this but then my natural optimism kicks in and the fighting spirit kicks in and it makes me realise life is too special to give up over something like this. Because I think the fear we have comes down to fearing we won't be loved, even that we can't love ourselves. But that's bullocks. The people who love us will continue loving us. And we do love ourselves. We just need to get past the ego.
Thanks for participating in such a deeply thoughtful way here. You've given me some things to think about. I will say that I have been emotionally strengthened by the members here--just making connections with others who are struggling as well. If there is mourning or grieving, and I think for me there has been, then this has become the equivalent of a support group for me.
Replies
_Vivian
Thanks for the reply.
I have to confess they're not my stages, but ideas taken from material I've used in the past related to change. It just struck me that it was a different way of looking at loss and whereas; say, some events in life have 'closure' (awful word), the unpredictabe nature of Vitiligo (for some, not everyone) can lead to a state of constant mourning.
I am ever hopeful that there will be a cure and have submitted to an international study which is endeavouring to find a genetic component to this disorder.
I am still intrigued as to how this disorder can lay dormant (in my case 30 years) and then erupt.
Best wishes
Mike
This does make a lot of sense in terms of how we deal with our Vit, but as with everything it's the way you perceive it. This could be hard, but instead of thinking of vit as a loss think of it as a gain? You're gaining new spots, a new unique mark to identify you as different from the rest of the world. Everything is about perception, I think this is a starting point to accepting your spots, is to love every new one instead of mourning it's loss. Now on how to switch our mindframes, it's each to their own.
Always the optimistic :}