Posted by AMY on December 13, 2011 at 11:26pm in Main
Hi, havent been on in awhile..lol. Missed u all:) So i jus recently broke up with my ex of 15 yrs. Im talkin to someone now, and soon we will meet for the first time. he does not have vitiligo and i believe
has no knowledge of it. Should i tell him now or when we see eachother face to face. I dont kno where this will go but, if it were to get intimate how would i explain or break from him running away. I really like him and
feel he has been very understanding about alot of things thus far. . Its
so hard dating when u have vitiligo. He has seen sum pics of me but i covered it . i feel as though im lyin to him and wonder if he will think i played him. anybody help:(
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Well..lol.I told him thru a text. didnt wanna hea the dissapointment in his voice if there
was any. anyways he said ur beautiful, i thought u were going to tell me something way worse.
he kno about vitiligo so thats a plus. dont kno where this will go but im excited. thank u all for ur words
.I appreciate it.
So I went on a group type date with a girl on saturday my friends set up. I met a really nice girl I thought everything went well, found out a lot about each other but I never brought up the vitiligo. I felt so comfortable that I didn't think to tell her, plus I figured my friend who set us up might have. At the end of the night she told me to call her and said we should go out again. So I did four days ago left a message never returned my call? So maybe I should have mentioned it since the table next to me was talking about my hands having spots on them, didn't think she noticed.
Gray, I know your disscussion was posted back in 2011, but I just wanted to tell you that you didn`t have to bring it up. Especially,That your patches were clear enough to be noticed .
thats why its good to talk about it, and always throw out the line '..like michael jackson had.."
i'd drop her another line again, small voice mail, :"just checking to see if you'd like to go out to dinner/movie/etc this weekend, let me know if you're free and interested"... if she calls back, great, if not, no great loss. move on .;-)
Good to have you back. you know, anytime I read a post such as yours, it puts fire on my butts to work on this Vitiligo cause and bring it to World center stage. I believe that someday soon Vitiligo will become a very known condition that such issues as you have will be a thing of the past.
That said, Tina and Marty has said it all, will just ad my experience and what I think. Mine is on my face and I never covered it and the man in my life now is just wonderful, we only discuss Vitiligo when we discuss VITSAF, the Vitiligo Foundation I run, its true that he said a friend of his has it too, I think what helped me is that he saw me like that and came for me and to think that I gave him some hard time at the initial stage(was talking with someother guy then) but he persisted. I do not feel any less or disturbed anymore about my Vit, Self Love, Self Acceptance and identifying my full self worth made it all for me.
The truth of it all is that your carriage, confidence and outlook to life attracts one to another more than the skin. Please work on loving and accepting yourself wholly before meeting him, do not be had on yourself one bit, vitiligo is not your making, if you have a choice you would decided if you want it or not so he is human equally and the way you present you is the way he will accept you.
I really think you should let him see a pics of you with some patches before you meet, you know why I usually think that the person will feel deceived and its simply becasue its being camouflaged, if its a natural condition within the body, there will be no point revealing till you meet.
i say wait until the date... then it's all out there... if he has questions u can explain it. and your personality will have time to win him over. you always wanna give your personality all the chance it can have for the person to know u as much as it possible in those short moments, and if he really likes who he meets, your little flaws will mean nothing... but hey, if after that, it's a deal breaker for him, then you're lucky to be rid of a shallow person now, at the git go, before something else came up and they used that as an excuse.
You always have to tell yourself, that when a person bails after a first date, it's their loss... and if it's cause of something simple as skin pigment, will that person stick with you when it's something more in the future? if u get sick, will they stay? lose ur job, home, etc??? consider it a test of their personality.
i had girls that were all over me during the date, but something happened after the date and before the next phone call/email. i blame them, not me. now i have a girl who loves me for e, not my skin, and while i sometimes find me hideous (daylight and fluorescent light aren't my friend), she still thinks i'm a handsome sexy devil (go figure). so you'll find the one for u.
Tina > Marty BlackEagle-CarlDecember 14, 2011 at 4:21am
Hey there and welcome back! I just joined earlier this month and so glad I did.
That being said, this is a very personal disease and a personal decision as to how soon to "reveal" it to a person while dating and/or getting intimate. My thoughts are, if someone really cares about you, they will not care. I think we do the most damage to ourselves as it is something we just have "there" all the time. I think if things are going well and he has seemed understanding up to now, go for it! Good luck, you deserve happiness!!
Edited to add, this is something someone who cares about you will accept and not care about, I honestly believe that. It's not like you or we "chose" to have this, or have any control over where it goes, if/when it spreads, etc. It's just a part of who we are and what we have to deal with on a daily basis. "True love is blind except to the heart that speaks to it". (my own quote)..you're a beautiful woman, I don't think you have anything to worry about. :)
Replies
was any. anyways he said ur beautiful, i thought u were going to tell me something way worse.
he kno about vitiligo so thats a plus. dont kno where this will go but im excited. thank u all for ur words
.I appreciate it.
So I went on a group type date with a girl on saturday my friends set up. I met a really nice girl I thought everything went well, found out a lot about each other but I never brought up the vitiligo. I felt so comfortable that I didn't think to tell her, plus I figured my friend who set us up might have. At the end of the night she told me to call her and said we should go out again. So I did four days ago left a message never returned my call? So maybe I should have mentioned it since the table next to me was talking about my hands having spots on them, didn't think she noticed.
Gray, I know your disscussion was posted back in 2011, but I just wanted to tell you that you didn`t have to bring it up. Especially,That your patches were clear enough to be noticed .
My Warm Regards,
Jamila
people notice EVERYTHING...
thats why its good to talk about it, and always throw out the line '..like michael jackson had.."
i'd drop her another line again, small voice mail, :"just checking to see if you'd like to go out to dinner/movie/etc this weekend, let me know if you're free and interested"... if she calls back, great, if not, no great loss. move on .;-)
Hi Amy,
Good to have you back. you know, anytime I read a post such as yours, it puts fire on my butts to work on this Vitiligo cause and bring it to World center stage. I believe that someday soon Vitiligo will become a very known condition that such issues as you have will be a thing of the past.
That said, Tina and Marty has said it all, will just ad my experience and what I think. Mine is on my face and I never covered it and the man in my life now is just wonderful, we only discuss Vitiligo when we discuss VITSAF, the Vitiligo Foundation I run, its true that he said a friend of his has it too, I think what helped me is that he saw me like that and came for me and to think that I gave him some hard time at the initial stage(was talking with someother guy then) but he persisted. I do not feel any less or disturbed anymore about my Vit, Self Love, Self Acceptance and identifying my full self worth made it all for me.
The truth of it all is that your carriage, confidence and outlook to life attracts one to another more than the skin. Please work on loving and accepting yourself wholly before meeting him, do not be had on yourself one bit, vitiligo is not your making, if you have a choice you would decided if you want it or not so he is human equally and the way you present you is the way he will accept you.
I really think you should let him see a pics of you with some patches before you meet, you know why I usually think that the person will feel deceived and its simply becasue its being camouflaged, if its a natural condition within the body, there will be no point revealing till you meet.
My little take on it, all the best with it
i say wait until the date... then it's all out there... if he has questions u can explain it. and your personality will have time to win him over. you always wanna give your personality all the chance it can have for the person to know u as much as it possible in those short moments, and if he really likes who he meets, your little flaws will mean nothing... but hey, if after that, it's a deal breaker for him, then you're lucky to be rid of a shallow person now, at the git go, before something else came up and they used that as an excuse.
You always have to tell yourself, that when a person bails after a first date, it's their loss... and if it's cause of something simple as skin pigment, will that person stick with you when it's something more in the future? if u get sick, will they stay? lose ur job, home, etc??? consider it a test of their personality.
i had girls that were all over me during the date, but something happened after the date and before the next phone call/email. i blame them, not me. now i have a girl who loves me for e, not my skin, and while i sometimes find me hideous (daylight and fluorescent light aren't my friend), she still thinks i'm a handsome sexy devil (go figure). so you'll find the one for u.
well said Marty...:)
Hey there and welcome back! I just joined earlier this month and so glad I did.
That being said, this is a very personal disease and a personal decision as to how soon to "reveal" it to a person while dating and/or getting intimate. My thoughts are, if someone really cares about you, they will not care. I think we do the most damage to ourselves as it is something we just have "there" all the time. I think if things are going well and he has seemed understanding up to now, go for it! Good luck, you deserve happiness!!
Edited to add, this is something someone who cares about you will accept and not care about, I honestly believe that. It's not like you or we "chose" to have this, or have any control over where it goes, if/when it spreads, etc. It's just a part of who we are and what we have to deal with on a daily basis. "True love is blind except to the heart that speaks to it". (my own quote)..you're a beautiful woman, I don't think you have anything to worry about. :)