Does anyone else feel like they do not want to meet with teachers or go to BDay parties because they are afraid that your childrens friends will tease your children and just look at you? My youngest son said to me last week I was not pretty because my white spots I'm only pretty with make up and it hurt me so bad.
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I have 2 children and fortunately I have never had to experience that. My daughter is 15 and my son is 9. The difference for me is that I never wore makeup to cover up so my children only know me this way. I socialize with their friends, teachers and friends parents and have never had any problems.
I don't know much about how you view your vitiligo or any conversations with your son you have had but from the beginning I taught both that everyone is different and beautiful in their own right. I also taught them to stick up for others who are not "normal" and never to stare but it is okay to ask questions. They have passed this on to their friends and helps not just us but others who have disabilities.
I hope this helps and if you need anything please post here. You and/or your son should never feel ashamed or embarrassed about vitiligo.
linette, you have to teach your son what real beauty is, not because of your vit, but because of anything else that is different from what he is told is the norm. take Vit out of the equation, what would you tell you son if he thought any woman who didnt look like a super model was ugly, and his ideal perfect male is to grow up and look like some male model??? it's the same thing. it's up to parents, not society, to tell children whats good/bad, ugly/beautiful; etc...
so, to give u a little tuff love, put on your big girl panties and take your sons perception learning back from TV & the media.
Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder... so since kids are visual, show him the artistry and beauty in our Vit skin designs.
make a game out of the depigged shapes, like clouds. draw coralations between us and multi-toned animals (cheetahs and such)...
when i was a kid, because of TV and the MEDIA, i thought perfection were the people i saw on tv in the 60's. not people of color like myself... needless to say, took my a couple of decades to get my own self loathing in line. i didnt have anyone work with me when i was young.
For all that we do to make sure our children turn out the way we wish them to, outside society and media will provide another type of "education" about what is "right, good, and proper". I notice that small kids in families that have a member with vitiligo generally do not pay mind or care about the spots. It's only when they get a little bit older, and they internalize messages from others on the outside that they begin to believe the hype about what is "pretty".
I think vitiligo can affect everyone in the household, not just the person who bears the spots. For many boys and men, their own self-image is tied directly to the women they associate with. For your son, the major woman in his life is you, his mother. His comments can be taken as a signal that he comprehends society's message about what conventional beauty looks like. This could be a teachable life-lesson moment if the situation arises again. I'm not a parent, so I'm not really equipped to offer advice in this area I suppose. <HUGS>
Replies
I have 2 children and fortunately I have never had to experience that. My daughter is 15 and my son is 9. The difference for me is that I never wore makeup to cover up so my children only know me this way. I socialize with their friends, teachers and friends parents and have never had any problems.
I don't know much about how you view your vitiligo or any conversations with your son you have had but from the beginning I taught both that everyone is different and beautiful in their own right. I also taught them to stick up for others who are not "normal" and never to stare but it is okay to ask questions. They have passed this on to their friends and helps not just us but others who have disabilities.
I hope this helps and if you need anything please post here. You and/or your son should never feel ashamed or embarrassed about vitiligo.
linette, you have to teach your son what real beauty is, not because of your vit, but because of anything else that is different from what he is told is the norm. take Vit out of the equation, what would you tell you son if he thought any woman who didnt look like a super model was ugly, and his ideal perfect male is to grow up and look like some male model??? it's the same thing. it's up to parents, not society, to tell children whats good/bad, ugly/beautiful; etc...
so, to give u a little tuff love, put on your big girl panties and take your sons perception learning back from TV & the media.
Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder... so since kids are visual, show him the artistry and beauty in our Vit skin designs.
make a game out of the depigged shapes, like clouds. draw coralations between us and multi-toned animals (cheetahs and such)...
when i was a kid, because of TV and the MEDIA, i thought perfection were the people i saw on tv in the 60's. not people of color like myself... needless to say, took my a couple of decades to get my own self loathing in line. i didnt have anyone work with me when i was young.
good luck. ;-)
Rev. Marty
Dearest Linette, your son knows not what he says.
For all that we do to make sure our children turn out the way we wish them to, outside society and media will provide another type of "education" about what is "right, good, and proper". I notice that small kids in families that have a member with vitiligo generally do not pay mind or care about the spots. It's only when they get a little bit older, and they internalize messages from others on the outside that they begin to believe the hype about what is "pretty".
I think vitiligo can affect everyone in the household, not just the person who bears the spots. For many boys and men, their own self-image is tied directly to the women they associate with. For your son, the major woman in his life is you, his mother. His comments can be taken as a signal that he comprehends society's message about what conventional beauty looks like. This could be a teachable life-lesson moment if the situation arises again. I'm not a parent, so I'm not really equipped to offer advice in this area I suppose. <HUGS>