Okay,, so I am trying to figure out something about several platonic relationships I have with people. Some of the friendships have been since grade school and others started like two or three years ago. I sometimes feel like I am a party crasher when one of my friends ask me to go out with them to a club, or party, and I say some other time.Then maybe after my confidence is up, I really do go out with them and I actually have fun, and it almost feels like my life again when my vitiligo was not as visible as it is now and it so elevating to my soul. But then, actually most of the time, I find myself shying away from those scenes and maybe I just want to hang out with my friend and go somewhere that is revolving around my outer appearance etc....but my friend doesn't. Now we have conflict....soooo, I cancel the entire thing, because I feel like I am holding them back or the fun back, because I am soo concerned about the whispers and stares and facial expressions of other people as I watch them try and figure out my race. All this results in me calling less and less or not answering my phone when they call me. It has been so many times that this scenario has played out i can't call it out to you. It eventually leaves me drained and depressed because I feel like I am ruining potential ( or current) friends away because of my vitiligo. Another situation is a friend of mine, that has been my friend since seventh grade (when i had my first vit spot on my chin ,lol) and we are still friends to this day....she gets alittle frustrated with me because she says I concentrate so hard on my vitilgo and I should say screw the world and live me life. I despartely want to feel that way and just live my life but right now I feel like im battling soo much, ya know.,,,, The last thing I want to do is run my friend away but sometimes,, it feels like I am in over my head with the negative thoughts of vitiligo and I think it makes my friend depressed to be around me. It's crazy because when we were little, I was the one who was strong and gave the shoulder to lean or or quoted bible scriptures, and now the tables have turned. I am trying hard to learn to love me all the time even when everything that can go wrong in a day... does. I am trying to brain storm some ways that will help keep my mind focused and up beat because I know that I have so much to offer, but I need to stop holding myself back. I'm just so frustrated because I'm 24 and I def did not imagine my life like this with vitiligo. I remember just a few years ago, when I was compeletly depigged and I had no remaining brown spots,, I was so happy and confident,,, I mean you couldn't tell me anything. But honestly guys, I am noticing myself sinking right back in my quiet little shell of a world. IOkay, okay,, so I am going to go ahead and end this...I don't mean to be so depressing you guys,, but i needed to get this out.
Ms. Cookie
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I think a lot of us have days where we're "okay" and other days where our appearance is an issue.
I've come to realize that that feeling isn't exclusive to those of us with Vitiligo. Everyone has some sort of issue, some more than others. Ours just happens to be because of our lack of pigment.
One of the tools that I've learned in therapy is how we see others in our same situation. I'm 99% naturally de-pigmented and have had issue with my appearance for years. At times I still see myself as significantly spotted and technically, now I'm one big spot.
Ciney shared her story on VSI (as she is also naturally fully depigmented
) and I wrote to her and once she sent pictures of herself, I thought she was gorgeous. Her lack of pigment doesn't diminish how beautiful she is and once you get to know her, you realize that her beauty is beyond just the appearance.
In seeing her, I'm embracing my own paleness. I can't change the fact that my pigment is gone. Having had vitiligo since childhood I certainly never expected to look like this but more and more I'm accepting it.
I know that a lot of us are beautiful on the inside and we fail to see how beautiful we are on the outside as well. We don't quite fit into what society deems as beautiful currently. But my hope is that will change eventually.
Look at Michelle Obama. She is currently seen as a major fashion icon. Think back ten, twenty, thirty, etc... years ago. She never would have been a fashion icon then but is one now. Who says that vitiligo isn't beautiful, we're challenging that all the time by just getting out in this world. We're defining ourselves all the time! That's why we're all here, to support each other when times are tough!
Wow... Im speechless. Everyone has pretty much summed it all up in on big beautiful nut shell....lol. Tonia gave some wonderful advise. Take note Ms. Cookie and "DO YOU BABY GURL".
Hi Courtney, I can honestly relate to everything you said here. I am much older than you, but have been dealing with vit for the past 6 - 7 yrs. I was once a very outgoing person with a lot of friends, I would even feel free to strike up conversation with total strangers who just happened to be nearby. Now I am totally opposite, sometimes my phone barely rings, not because I don't have friends. But, because I have pushed everyone away and have become so reclusive. I have people who love me for who I am and I know that, but just as you I have shunned them away because of a moment of depression, or not wanting to be out in the public. Please don't do this to yourself. Go out and live your life --- please remember that you only get one chance at life, there is no second chance. This is what I tell myself now everyday. I will be 41 next month, so when I hear people whispering or making comments or simply being ignorant ... I hold my shoulders high and keep my head up and keep it moving. I refuse now to let anyone make me feel less of a person, of course my feelings get hurt sometimes by people's reactions, but I brush my shoulders off & keep moving. Please do the same you are too young to stop living. Please live your life to the fullest. & guess what .. I had given up on finding love and now I've been in a relationship for three months that's been going well with a man who doesn't see my spots, but my heart. Sweety, people feel and sense what you feel about yourself. When we don't love and respect ourselves that is what we get in return .. I've learned that the hard way and I don't want you to do the same. Live your life and be who YOU are no matter what. We are not defined by our skin, but by our hearts and mind. I know it is hard, it has been for me too, but now I reinforce myself with something positive each time something negative happens. Someone once told me that every time you pass a graveyard think to yourself that everyone there would switch places with you in a heartbeat .... I've never forgotten that. And always remember when you need to vent or need some uplifting - someone is always here to lend a hand. Take care beautiful and watch out world cause here comes Courtney!
Oh sweetie, I look at your picture and the spots look like a ring of stars around your eyes. People are gawking because it's so captivating! I'd be thinking.... wow, that looks really cool, how did she do that?
Little story, I go to Mexico twice a year. Couple of years ago, I fell off a jet ski and the wave sent it right back and popped me in the face. I ended up with a major black eye. While shopping or going out to eat in Mexico, I was constantly asked what happened to your face! I would explain, and joke a little about it. Then we cross the border and go back to Colorado. It was all stares and whispers. Not a soul asked me what happened. Culture difference? I don't know but it was interesting that people in Mexico were more comfortable asking me outright about my face.
Remember that your friends call and want to go out because they enjoy your company and love you. I'm sure they don't see your vit anymore. We all have highs and lows. Try telling your vit.... you have no power over me!
Not depressing to me at all. Thanks for bringing this up. I think I resorted to blaming work instead of just blowing people off (not answering). But now I think I was shying away from hanging out with people when they invited me cause I felt the same way... like I was a downer or that I'm holding them back from being happy. But I believe that was a selfish thought. They didn't invite me for no reason anyways.
I don't like clubs or super-busy bars so I don't usually go to those places. I really don't enjoy them (not even considering my vitiligo) I'd rather be chilling out somewhere calm and quite, but that's just my personality. I'm more smooth-jazz than a club-banger.
Honestly Courtney, when I see your pictures I see a lot of potential. You remind me of those models who have freckles but are still good looking. You have all the potential in the world to be happy. Just start by making yourself happy in any way you can for now, it should build up over time. And remember my other post... it's a numbers game, seriously. :)
Replies
I've come to realize that that feeling isn't exclusive to those of us with Vitiligo. Everyone has some sort of issue, some more than others. Ours just happens to be because of our lack of pigment.
One of the tools that I've learned in therapy is how we see others in our same situation. I'm 99% naturally de-pigmented and have had issue with my appearance for years. At times I still see myself as significantly spotted and technically, now I'm one big spot.
Ciney shared her story on VSI (as she is also naturally fully depigmented
) and I wrote to her and once she sent pictures of herself, I thought she was gorgeous. Her lack of pigment doesn't diminish how beautiful she is and once you get to know her, you realize that her beauty is beyond just the appearance.
In seeing her, I'm embracing my own paleness. I can't change the fact that my pigment is gone. Having had vitiligo since childhood I certainly never expected to look like this but more and more I'm accepting it.
I know that a lot of us are beautiful on the inside and we fail to see how beautiful we are on the outside as well. We don't quite fit into what society deems as beautiful currently. But my hope is that will change eventually.
Look at Michelle Obama. She is currently seen as a major fashion icon. Think back ten, twenty, thirty, etc... years ago. She never would have been a fashion icon then but is one now. Who says that vitiligo isn't beautiful, we're challenging that all the time by just getting out in this world. We're defining ourselves all the time! That's why we're all here, to support each other when times are tough!
And thank you, but Hunnee you are beautiful too. Don't forget you sent me a pic also....lol Ya'll "SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!"
SMOOCHES DIVA
Little story, I go to Mexico twice a year. Couple of years ago, I fell off a jet ski and the wave sent it right back and popped me in the face. I ended up with a major black eye. While shopping or going out to eat in Mexico, I was constantly asked what happened to your face! I would explain, and joke a little about it. Then we cross the border and go back to Colorado. It was all stares and whispers. Not a soul asked me what happened. Culture difference? I don't know but it was interesting that people in Mexico were more comfortable asking me outright about my face.
Remember that your friends call and want to go out because they enjoy your company and love you. I'm sure they don't see your vit anymore. We all have highs and lows. Try telling your vit.... you have no power over me!
And vent here as often as you please!
I don't like clubs or super-busy bars so I don't usually go to those places. I really don't enjoy them (not even considering my vitiligo) I'd rather be chilling out somewhere calm and quite, but that's just my personality. I'm more smooth-jazz than a club-banger.
Honestly Courtney, when I see your pictures I see a lot of potential. You remind me of those models who have freckles but are still good looking. You have all the potential in the world to be happy. Just start by making yourself happy in any way you can for now, it should build up over time. And remember my other post... it's a numbers game, seriously. :)